I have to tell you …… I have never sweat so much in my life, until I entered the foster care world.
There, I said it. But I’m just being real with everyone. With foster parenting, certain appointments get me nervous, some phone calls make me gulp and most meetings on the most part make my stomach turn in different directions……the end result, sweating!
This past week was a new experience for us. It started off with a phone call with a surprise DR’s appointment in VERY short notice. This is where we had to grin and bare it, rearrange our schedule and make it happen.
I have to be honest with you ….. I did not want this appointment to happen. Birth parents were going to be there, and you got it!, the sweating started and I became so nervous.
I know their past, I know what our little guy came from, I know all the yuck, and It’s completely messy! I had no desire to meet face to face. But, going into this foster care journey, I never wanted to have a heart of judgement, but always a heart of compassion and the heart of a servant.
My prayer was “Lord, please allow them not to show up, It’s too messy. BUT.…. I pray that it is Your will, and not mine”.
That day at the Dr’s office was life changing for me. Not only did birth parents show up, but I saw them differently that day, and I knew that it was God’s will that we were supposed to be there. I saw two broken humans struggling. Their sin was not greater than mine …… it was just more evident.
She out-poured her heart to me, needed my help, thanked me and told me that this little guy needs to be with us because he’s safe and happy.
~ Excuse me, as I cry a little more ~
I knew I was exactly where I needed to be, and we knew we were doing exactly what God needed us to do. Messy or awkward …… sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone.
Please allow me to write a blurb from Jason Johnson’s book ‘Reframing Foster Care (Filtering your foster parenting journey through the lens of the Gospel) This part that he writes, almost exactly tells our story to a tee.
“I’ll never forget the first time we sat across the table from the biological mother of our little girl who would eventually become our daughter. A few months had past since the fragile newborn had been brought into our home by Child Protective Services – a period of time which I had vilified and demonized her in my heart for what she had done to such an innocent child. We now sat across the table from the very woman I had convinced myself was nothing but evil; while one part of my heart longed to hate her, I was surprised to find that another part of me wanted to hug her.
Through deep sobs, she shared her stories of childhood abuse, chronic addiction, and long-term demons in her life she couldn’t seem to shake. For the first time I realised something profoundly simple: she wasn’t a demon at all – but a human. A broken one, just like me. Nor was she my enemy. She was actually, somehow and in some way, my responsibility.”
You see, though I prayed for them not to be there, that connection needed to happen, and my eyes needed to see her differently. I may be against their actions, but absolutely not against their souls. God always knows, and as awkward as that appointment was, I was honoured to be there.
~Just. Like. Us.
There is a whole lot of messy in foster care. There are a tonne of awkward moments. But nothing beats the ‘beautiful’ of serving God’s children with a heart full of love!
Until next post …..